I’ve talked about this a lot even on Second Saturday which started a support group for men who are going through a divorce and unfortunately, most men wait too long. They go, “Oh, this will work out. She’s just going through this blah blah blah”, and they wait too long and then they realized that their wife has left them and they’re filing for a divorce.
In most cases, it’s pretty much too late just because of the way society is set up now and also because of the nature of women. Something happens and if they give their love to someone else that’s pretty much over. If they haven’t but they’re just leaving and I sometimes we have people where the wife is still in the house but she’s like past DEFCON 10 and she’s letting her husband know occasionally can be saved hopefully that’s the case for you. I’m going to give you some bullet points.
Also, if you’re asking this question chances are you’re past the point of using either of my books which is Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for Happy Marriage, great reviews. They’re great useful, really useful marriage books but you’re probably passed that point and you need the course for men. In the course for men, I start out with very simple very deep stuff. Number one, you have free will. You’re misusing it. You’re not using it to put joy into your
You have expectations of your wife but not of yourself and that has to change, but one of the biggest problems that I’m going to share with you for men is this. Anger — men use their anger on their wife so the best way to illustrate why this is screwed up, a friend of mine — I was a divorce mediator before and a fellow divorce mediator Robert said to me and he used this explanation for children. He used to say, “Imagine you go to an alien planet with two bodyguards and then they turn on each other.” He was talking about how it is for
kids when their parents start attacking one another.
I used that and I said, “Imagine you hire a bodyguard,” because as a man that’s what you are. We’re going into the basics of the biology because there are the biology and the spiritual part but you can’t ignore either. So biologically, men are the protectors so you or your wife’s bodyguard, you’re the guy who carries the gun and you get mad at her for some nonsensical stupid little thing which everything is stupid and nonsensical. And you go, “Biatch, you better get your act together.” Now you’re not doing that but when you go… you might as well be doing that because women are sensitive and she’s been trusting you to take care of her so you’re turning the tables and you’re really upsetting things.
Fortunately, a screwed up as it is where Hollywood has made men into these things
and women there’s so much confusion that it doesn’t really affect women consciously like then they don’t leave you immediately. They should because that is your obligation to protect but they don’t because we’re all screwed up. But if you want to be a better husband
that’s got to go. You cannot be stern with your wife. You cannot show anger. You cannot be angry. There’s no reason for anger towards your wife. Anger is a physiological biological
reaction to fear. It’s part of the survival instinct. It’s not meant to be used in the home. It’s meant to be used in the jungles. You’re supposed to control it.
You have free will just because you have an animal body doesn’t mean you should be doing animal things or let that body be telling your mind what to do so this is the main part of
the men’s course is learning how to control the mind and it’s probably the best mind control self-help program anywhere in the world. I’ve wanted to take just that first part of
the course and turn it into its own thing because it would be so useful I mean we’re in a world where people do anger management. You should have no anger management. You should have anger — no, no anger.
That’s your first step is to stop doing the idiotic things that are scaring your life. I’m not going to tell you to go, buy her flowers, take her on a trip those are BS. You need to change yourself to become the ultimate man who she thought she was marrying right from the
beginning and it takes a lot of courage for you to look in the mirror and go, “Maybe I am not who I thought it was, maybe I’m not looking at how my wife sees me the right way.” You got to get real.
This is the time to get real or get married again and again and again, to be honest with you. As a divorce mediator, I had friends who were divorced mediators, some of us have had the same clients over and over again. You don’t want to go that route. You want to get it right, do it right now so that’s the best they can do to help you.